Blessed by the Dolphins –
What Luis and Padme Taught Me
about Conditioning vs Choice

Yesterday was a red letter day in my Book of Life (I like to call this my Blessings Book, by the way). In the morning we sailed in a real America’s Cup race boat. In the afternoon, I was blessed with the dream of a lifetime – Tolen took me to Dolphin Discovery in Cozumel for a dolphin encounter. I feel so much gratitude; it’s just overflowing. I will remember this experience always.

When I woke up the next morning, I realized how the dolphins, Luis and Padme, and their trainers/helpers, Hugo and Eliu (great photographer, by the way), blessed us and wrote this post. There were so many valuable levels of experience in our connection. So, I am going to talk about how I am using the encounter to evolve. Since my reflections on this experience are bubbling up around the subject of “conditioning,” that’s what I’m going to talk about.

Conditioning vs Choice

At this point, I really have to ask myself why such magnificent, intelligent mammals would give up their freedom to interact with humans. All I can say from my perspective is that their choice is a gift of grace. Luis and Padme perfectly demonstrated why they traded a life in the wild for captivity and allowed their bodies and behaviors to be conditioned by their trainers. What I saw was this exchange happened for reasons of safety and security, connection, and pleasure.

Many authorities have written about conditioning, so I’m not going to belabor points too much. In fact, I am writing this post to remind us all that we are mammals whose bodies have been conditioned to habitual behavior that usually nets us predictable results based on decisions we mostly made in the past. So, here’s my take on how conditioning works.

Safety and Security

The first question we seem to ask ourselves when we are born, “Is it safe here?” After birth our bodies have just gone through a traumatic change – a move from the safe cocoon in our mother’s womb where nourishment and cushioning from life is provided to our presence in the unknown. So, our natural process is to test the environment to see if our bodies are safe. We learn to make noises and cry in an effort to have our body’s safety and security needs met. We want to be fed when we are hungry. We want to drink when we are thirsty. We want to be pain free, so we demand that our diapers be changed. We want to be reconnected with our mothers, so we let them know that we want to be picked up and held.

Whenever these needs are not met in a timely fashion, our bodies are uncomfortable. We may experience pain. We connect this pain with our needs not being met. We don’t want this to happen again. So, the process of conditioning begins.

We observe our parents’ behaviors. What do we do that gets us fed? What noises get our parents’ attention? What happened before we got our diaper changed? These observations are cataloged, and when they create positive results, our tendency is to remember them and repeat them. The more effective the behavior, the more it is repeated until eventually the behavior becomes a habit.

When Hugo talked about Dolphin Discovery, one of the things he mentioned is that the dolphins could escape, since they had the ability to jump over the piers. So, we asked Hugo, “Why don’t they leave?” The answer was quite simple – in the pool where the dolphins lived, they are fed well, they don’t have to compete over food, and there are no predators in the environment. So, they decide to stay. In exchange for this measure of safety and security, the dolphins are willing to learn tricks and interact with humans, using conditioned/learned behaviors. In some sense, accepting the conditioning is the price the dolphins pay for regular food and good living conditions.

When you think about the trade-off that way, then you better understand why dolphins and similarly people accept conditioning. Once bodies are trained that certain behaviors get them fed, clothed, and sheltered, these behaviors are cataloged. When similar circumstances come up, they are remembered. When memories come up, we repeat the behavior. If the behavior works over time, we develop a pattern. After continuous repetition, the pattern becomes a habit. This thinking cycle happens so quickly that most times we don’t even notice we are in conditioned behavior.

An Aside: Acceptance and Allowance the Dolphin Way

The other thing I noticed is that once Luis and Padme made their decision to stay and learn entertaining behaviors, they honored that commitment. Padme didn’t complain that Luis got more attention. Luis didn’t screech at Hugo because Padme got six fish and Luis only got five. Neither dolphin was ugly with me because I missed their fins the first time they did a run by me. They just did the second run with as much vigor as the first. Luis and Padme showed us Presence – being all in to what they were doing, in the present moment, without judgment.

Connection and Pleasure

I noticed, too, that the dolphins had a strong desire to connect with their trainers and the people who encountered them. Luis and Padme looked us in the eyes and something inside me opened wider. They smiled, talked, laughed, danced, and hugged us. I had such a feeling of mutual heart connection – like we are all cells in the same body. The six of us were experiencing life on Earth together.

Hand in hand with the feeling of connection was the pleasure we all received from interacting. It was fun to pet Luis and Padme, and it was obvious that the dolphins enjoyed being touched. Hugo encouraged us to enjoy relating to the dolphins, and it was so easy – with Luis and Padme, shaking our hands, hugging us, dancing with us, and kissing us. There were dozens of encounters among the dolphins, trainers, and Tolen and I.

When I touched Luis for the first time, I felt how smooth he was, how much power he had, how gentle he was being with me. Luis revealing these things about who he is was a huge gift. Padme was more talkative, and her chatter felt sweet and inclusive. When the dolphins towed us around the pool, we all were joyful. When we threw rings and balls with Luis and Padme, we were all in playing. We clapped and hooted during Luis’ and Padme’s performance. They seemed to thrive on the applause. This encounter was mutually playful and joyful.

On a deeper level, Luis and Padme showed me that the desire to connect and experience pleasure reinforces conditioning. The dolphins were willing to perform jumps, to dance, to kiss and hug in order to feel connection and receive pleasure. While they probably began performing for fish, they continued choosing to perform because they loved doing it.

Is Conditioning Really Bad?

Many teachers these days talk about the evils of the ego, of conditioning, of how the body is programmed. They teach that learned responses are bad and wrong, should be eradicated. What Luis and Padme showed me is that conditioning is natural. Learned behavior is a natural part of having a body – the body wants to be safe and secure, connect to others, and feel pleasure. It learns how to achieve its desires from its birth family and others in the environment. From the body’s viewpoint, there is nothing at all wrong with learned behavior. In fact, that body is made to be conditioned.

The Balance between Physiology and Spirituality

From my view the key to balancing our physiology and spirituality is first to be at ease. Luis and Padme chose to make the trade-off between living in the wild or in luxurious captivity. They seemed at ease with their choice and did not waste time judging their situation at all. I believe on some fundamental level they also knew that they had other choices, that one or both could escape at any point in time. That is also true for us, we can make a choice that is different from our conditioned response in any given situation.

Easing the Body during Change

When on the path, most aspirants come to a point where they realize that their lives are not lived from authentic choice. They go to a movie because their husband likes the genre. They eat pork sausage in the morning because that’s what their Mother always fixed. They dye their hair because their friends think gray hair is aging. When aspirants become aware of how much conditioning governs their lives, there is a strong push to examine choices. They start asking questions like, “Is this my opinion or my parents’ opinion? Do I really like this experience or do I do this to please my children?”

While this exploration can be quite liberating, most people find the process of moving from habitual behavior to choice quite disconcerting because the body is conditioned to keep the status quo. It does not want to change. Even when the body wants more money, health, happiness, fun, etc. it resists going through the process that would create more. So, what can you do to change your life, when the body is so resistant to change? I suggest that you invite your body to be a partner in the desired change, by asking it questions like:

• Would you like more? What would you like more of?
• What other experiences do you want to explore?
• Since you want more ________________, would you help me make this change?
• What would help you feel more safe and secure during this change?
• Would you be willing to look for new ways to connect and feel pleasure while you are in the process of having more?
• What could I do that would help you feel connected?
• What could I do that would help you feel pleasure while change is happening?

In other words, be a co-creator with your body. Treat your body as the infinite being it is and listen to its views. Ask your body to be your partner, and instead of condemning your body’s conditioning, support its desire to experience more. Remember that your body isn’t inclined toward mercurial change like your mind is. So, realize there usually is a some sort of a time lag between desire for change and actualization. Be patient and breathe.

It’s All Perfect

In the final analysis, you will create the perfect life for you – whether you experience growth from a position of conditioning or choice. When you stop judging where you are, when  you allow yourself to experience the present moment just as it is, then there is a balance, a flow between your body and you. When you are in this flow, the either/or of conditioning vs. choice will dissolve. You will just move from experience to experience, feeling fully satisfied that where you are is where you are supposed to be, whether you are in conditioned behavior or at choice.

I am so very grateful to Luis, Padme, Hugo, Eliu, and Tolen for sharing a slice of their lives with me. Dolphin Discovery was such a blessing.