I had an amazing breakthrough after having a phone conversation with Adam King a few weeks ago. As I listen to Panache’s sacred music and Adam’s Emerge (from Earthbound) this morning, I thought I’d share more about this experience.

Why Did You Phone Me?

When Adam asked me this one simple question, the reason why I’ve been stuck in certain patterns for so long became apparent. I had many choices of response. I could have responded with a question, like, “Why do you ask that?” I could have opened up to the possibilities and just say, “I was inspired to phone.” But, instead I spent about 10 minutes describing in minute detail the drama my extended family had been in for over a decade.

The Pattern Interrupt

Adam was silent as I continued to pour  the details of our story out. Then, he said something like, “As a person who doesn’t really know you, why would I care about your story?” At that point, my brain just shorted out. I had just let myself be vulnerable to a brother on the path, and he didn’t care about the retelling of my story?

Retelling Your Story Keeps You Stuck

Adam went on to talk about how we keep a reality, and all its content, alive by continuing to retell our  story, especially with deep emotional commitment to the details. He said that usually when someone is as stuck in their story as I was, with such strong emotions attached to the telling, it’s an indication of how powerful my life would be for me, if I gave up telling the story.

How Long Do You Want to Be Stuck?

A few days later a friend reminded me of a parable OSHO used to share. OSHO talked about two monks walking down the road – one old and wise, the other newly minted. They came to a river and saw a  woman there who couldn’t get across. The older monk picked her up and carried her across the river; while, the younger monk fumed. In fact, he fumed for hours and finally asked the older monk, “How could you break your vows and carry that woman across the river?” The older monk said, “I put her down when we got to the other side. How much longer are you going to carry her?”

Addiction to Retelling Your Story

We all get addicted to retelling our story. It defines who we are, gives meaning to incidents in our life, and that’s the problem. What if experiences are just that – experiences? What if they didn’t mean anything? What if we didn’t have to struggle to figure out what an experience meant? What if we just had an experience and stopped judging it? How would that change our lives? Would we flow from experience to experience, without getting stuck?

Retelling My Story is Irrelevant
to Who I  Am Today

I was electrocuted in 1999. It’s also true that many members of my extended family had other life-altering experiences around that time. But, what if they were just independent experiences? What if there was no “family pattern” of “being stopped from contributing Goodness in the World?” If we didn’t agree that we were being attacked by the Dark Shirts in 1999 and that our lives were put  on hold, would we still be on hold over a decade later? How much longer do we want to be on hold?

I certainly am not the person I was in 1999. I’ve healed, evolved, had millions of experiences over the last decade or more, besides the electrocution. So, why would I choose something so painful as my defining moment? How does being stuck in that identity help me become the authentic person I long to be? Truthfully, it does not.

Living without Your Story

Living without your story is like going to a luscious buffet. Many dishes are in front of you, and you can choose what you would like to eat. Some foods may look so delicious that you just have to try them. You might see a favorite, and pile your plate up. You might smell something that you found less than pleasant in the past, so you don’t choose the food with  that smell. Your friend might recommend a new taste sensation, and you may choose  to try that dish.

The food doesn’t judge you if you choose or don’t choose a dish, and wouldn’t you look silly if you went up to a platter of chopped liver and started berating it because you tried chopped liver 20 years ago and thought it was bitter? Too, once you start eating, you might clean up your plate or leave something that was less than satisfying. Both and neither choices are good or bad for you. You are just having the momentary experience of eating.

Letting Go of Your Story Creates Flow

We wonder why flow of  experiences and resources at times dries up. We often look outside of ourselves to find meaning to this lack of flow. What if we look inside instead? We can ask, “Where am I stuck?” “Have I been in this story/identity long enough to experience everything it has to offer?” “What other experiences are available to me?” “What have I always longed to experience?” Just the act of asking questions generally unblocks the dam, and when you are willing to have an experience and not put any meaning to it, flow will become the natural way your experience life.